She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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