I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
