I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
