Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize