If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
