Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
