Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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