Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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