I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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