I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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