Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
