I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Buhtt sex?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize