if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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