stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize