The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
