You really coming over, don't trick.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
