Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He has the fingertips of a God
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
