i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
