He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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