i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
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