Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
