i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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