I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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