can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
