everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
