Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
