You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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