Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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