I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
