i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
