I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
