next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
and she was petting her beer can
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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