Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
