Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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