Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
