Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
