What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
