I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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