At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize