Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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