Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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