put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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