I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize