tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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