just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
