you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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