im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
