So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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