everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
