Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
