yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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