I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
