I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
