I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
