P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
