I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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