The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
