Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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