Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
