Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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