Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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