My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
