I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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