Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
