ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
