how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
