ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
