Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
