Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
