He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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