Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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