I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
