Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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