bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Is it because I queefed?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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